The Allender Center: The Epidemic of Loneliness (three-part series)

We all face loneliness. Even when we are with our most intimate friends or partners, we long for more at times! As we have hearts made for heaven, our earthly relationships can seem inadequate.  

Loneliness puts us in a double bind. On one hand, I can quietly die a thousand slow deaths of wanting more. Longing can lead to exclusion, then to isolation, and land in self-judgement. “Who would want to be with me anyways?” On the other hand, I can address the deep ache with my significant friend. But if I say, “I feel lonely with you,” it can come across as blame. It can provoke the other to wonder, “Am I not good enough for you?” Loneliness makes it hard to get traction in close relationships. And we hate this!  

Dan and Becky Allender name and engage the complex loneliness bind in their own marriage. They argue that while there is no cure for loneliness on this side of heaven, there are ways to tend and shepherd each other’s loneliness in ways that can really make a difference. I (James) commend this series to anyone who is secretly disappointed in their deepest relationships and who wants hope that there is a way forward beyond the present malaise.