The Place We Find Ourselves #7: How Your Attachment Style Affects All Your Relationships
Do you know that the first year of your life has more influence on how you live in the world today than anything that has happened to you in any year since? Our early attachment sets us up for how we relate to people today. This is why I (James) feel it is tremendously important to get curious about what happened between you as a child and (especially) your mother – but also your father!
Therapist Adam Young gives one of the best explanations we have heard about the three attachment styles: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized. When Claire and I began to understand what our early attachment style was, we began to finally understand why we unconsciously think and behave the way we do with each other now! And this awareness has also given us much more compassion for ourselves, and for each other.
The good news is that our brains are plastic and can be remolded. When we become aware of the attachment patterns in our brains, we can allow space for those patterns to change. This will help us to become more securely attached, and will make a massive difference in the quality of connection we have with the people around us.
