The Tim Ferris Show: Parenting Strategies for Raising Resilient Kids, Dr. Becky Kennedy
What if our inner disposition towards our child matters more than our specific actions or words? Kennedy encourages parents to be curious about their child’s behaviour, and what is actually going on inside, underneath that behavior. What is happening under the iceberg? She encourages us to zoom out when we see “less than ideal” behaviour in any human being we encounter; to see that behaviour as part of a larger story, instead of seeing it as the whole story. When we have compassion for the larger story, it does not mean we become permissive in our approach. Instead, becoming a sturdy leader for our kids means we have both warm validating connection and firm boundaries.
What I (Claire) find helpful is Kennedy’s MGI approach. What is the “most generous interpretation” of a behavior in our child? Our kid is not necessarily disrespectful or sociopathic at their core. Rather they may be feeling afraid or explorative or playful, and when I understand what is under the iceberg, I will respond to their behavior in ways that are more understanding and productive. Kennedy does not acknowledge that humans are in any sense crippled (or fallen as some would say), and that perspective would help give nuance to Kennedy’s approach. (For more comments on that, see our “before you explore” tab.)
