The Heart of the Fight: A Couple’s Guide to Fifteen Common Fights

Wouldn’t it be wild if your fights could deepen your marriage rather than fracture it?  

If you’re like James and me (Claire), your fights may have felt like you were going in circles, collecting and compounding hurts and resentments, and feeling more and more distant from each other. We used to go round and round the same issues, and feel so hopeless. But in the last decade we have discovered, thanks to resources like this one, how to fight so that we actually feel closer afterwards than we did before.  

Love is messy; when we wrap our heads around the messiness of human beings, we can appreciate why conflict is necessary. But since it’s necessary, breakups and divorce don’t happen just because couples fight – they happen because couples don’t know how to use the conflict to create a new depth of intimacy.

This book is essentially about braving the woods in our marriages. It is in the woods, in the deep places of our relationship, that we forge deep intimacy. Our fights can’t get resolved on the surface.  Surface resolutions are like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.

Instead, this book teaches you to look beyond what you and your partner fight about, and discover the core issues that undermine your relationship. It gives you tools to learn how to fight well – tools that come out of the science of relationships. If you’re ready to start fighting for your love, rather than against it, this book will show you how.