Curious Neuron Podcast S4 #27: How to Raise Resilient Children, Work on Yourself and Better Understand the Brain
Parenting is hard, but neuroscientist Bruce Perry gives us confidence that we can do this by discovering how the human brain works! For some very practical advice watch 0:00 to 15:00. (The middle section is about why 21st century parents are exhausted and institutions resist change but from 47:00 to the end Perry gets super practical again.) I (Claire) wish I’d had this help when I had young children!
Talking with another human being (especially a young one) is tricky. Perry explains that our brains work in a sequence: Information enters the lowest (reactive) part of the brain first. Then it travels to the middle (emotional) part. And ultimately it goes to the highest (rational) part. We set our child up for success if we first regulate ourselves and them (calm the reactive part), then relate to them (connect to the emotional part), and then reason with them (talk to the most rational part). Only then can our child accurately hear what we are saying. This is an unavoidable neurobiological principle that we cannot fight.
(Perry also stresses that as human beings we are physiologically organized for a world in which four adults care for every child. However, in the western world, we have one adult caring for four children. This is unrealistic. Perry reassures us that we can change this by living in more multi-family and multi-generational communities. No-one can parent well by themselves.)
